What I’ve learned about people from behind the chair
As I am writing this it is approaching the new year and I’m feeling that introspective inspiration we sometimes feel around this time of year so this time around I’m diverting slightly .
I’m sharing some things I’ve come to find about people from standing behind a chair and having conversations with the same peeps every couple of months for many many years, in an environment which I still have yet to figure out why, many people in fact just open right up to you !
Some of them just want to be heard without judgment. Others just want you to lend an ear, perhaps no one in their life is truly listening and present in a world where we are all too consumed with phones, finally others simply enjoy a more open honest and vulnerable conversation in a world where most of us are all too consumed by how we appear to others.
So here are seven things straight up no BS non sugar coated things I’ve learned about people and our relationships with them from behind the chair.
One of the more profound things I’ve found having personally heard so many peoples personal stories is that it seems the more personal a struggle feels the more universal it likely is. Everyone is going through their own challenge. You know those people that seem to have to all together ? Well guess what, they don’t, no one does. Everybody is going through their own struggles, they just aren’t announcing it. That work peer who’s crushing it, they might still be looking for love and unsure why it has eluded them. That associate who seems so popular and who’s social life is so off the hook, might actually still be searching for more personal fulfilment and trying to fill some void, that couple you know who are so in love its sickening, might have a business that is struggling , or not, you actually never know, so don’t be so quick to get a case of the fomo’s.
Everybody wants to leave a positive impact on the world, but how they see that impact always differs. Whether that means being the best parent they can be to their child, volunteering for a cause that is close to their heart, or whatever that might be for that person, one thing I can tell you is that it is definitely not the same for every person, so don’t project, it’s all to easy too forget that everyone doesn’t share the same values and passions as you.
Yes A holes and FnB’s do exist but encountering one is just slightly more common than a Unicorn sighting . The rest that just seem like sociopaths to you are likely just people at a different stage in their personal growth than you, which is sometimes all too easy to forget in the moment. Others are people you just don’t resonate with, and that’s ok, not everyone is supposed to get along with everyone else, it’s not a 90’s love party. We can do our best to except everyone for who they are, but most of us are somewhere the middle, somewhere between tolerant and impatient and have good days and bad days .
People have a way of growing on you. There have been people I have met in my professional life that could not stop praising me and always telling me that their haircut was the best they had ever had but simply did not stick around, while there have been others with whom when I first met them seemed fairly indifferent , and I did not have that instant click with. But some of them just kept showing up and never went away. Over time I began to really look forward to when these same people came in and catching up with them . Most of these people I now consider to be somewhere between client and friend . Life is full of surprises .
People have a way of coming in and out of your life, …like seasons . Speaking for myself there have been people who I have known in a professional relationship who would always say and who I truly felt at the time would never stray as a client . Then one day, sometimes for a frivolous reason, such as” it’s getting more difficult to find parking near your salon “, or they moved recently and it’s now an “extra 20 minute drive”, will one day just stop showing up and stop calling for appointments. It’s not something that’s good, its not something that’s bad, it just is what it is. You had a good experience with them and its run its course . That being said, some will surprise you and show up one day out of the blue, back in your life . In my case returning for monthly appointments, sometimes after years . No matter how much you enjoy a relationship , whether it be business, friendship, or romantic, sometimes you just have to appreciate it for the moment in time it was.
Don’t label people if their behaviour doesn’t align with yours but instead except them for who they are . This is a much easier road, filled with less headaches . That being said, don’t “size people up” on what they say but instead on what they do. If you spend anytime working in a salon there’s kind of a standing joke that the people that come in that spend the entire time talking about how much money they have, are usually the ones that never tip. To this day I really don’t know if most of them were just frugal or fibbers. But I hold no reservations or ill feelings either way . In fact the revers is true, either way I simply have empathy & understanding.
Lastly we aren’t as unique as we would like to think, we all have more in common at our core than we have differences, and what changes us are sometimes small superficial details, whether it be cultural, religious or financial . From veganism to yoga to hustling to putting family first, we all have a set of values we like to live in alignment with, that gives us a sense of groundedness, purpose or connection to something, in an all too often chaotic world . No matter how much some one appears to have it all together, it seems to me , everyone has insecurities , everyone worries about work, and everyone wants to love and be loved, even when they say they don’t, and in fact nobody is 100 % sure what they are doing . We are all doing the best we can , a little bit of guessing along the way and hoping it all works out !
Behind the chair